a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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