He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
