haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
