I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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