Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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