so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize