respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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