i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
