id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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