We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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