I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize