Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this is an emotional support booty call
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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