I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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