yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
