Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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