Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
