I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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