So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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