so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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