My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
