Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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