Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
