I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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