He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
