Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You smell like stripper and shame
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
