So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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