nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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