Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
