In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
