Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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