Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
