Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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