He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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