I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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