this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
