Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
