hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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