I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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