Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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