Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
