There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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