It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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