This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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