Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
only you would photoshop your dick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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