i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I want a musical about memes.
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