But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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