birth control should be required to get into college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
