I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
love makes seman taste better
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
