We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
