: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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