I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
