I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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