Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ruined the universe
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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