Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
