But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
