I accidentally had phone sex last night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
