Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
