soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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