apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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