eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
