my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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