It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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